Volume 3, March 26, 2004

File this one under Two Beefs.

I don’t usually Beef; I trick myself into thinking I Expound. Today I have Two Beefs, and I’m delighted to Expound on them. Again, if you have other pressing matters, I am happy to distract you from them and beguile you to another fruitless 15 minutes.

Beef One has to do with a copyright page. I stop reading a poorly written book within a few pages of the first chapter; this time, for this particular book, I couldn’t get past the copyright page. Here’s why, and I’m paraphrasing because I threw the book away: Publisher’s Note: In the text of this book, we choose not to capitalize the name of satan, because we choose not to acknowledge him and his power.

I could stop right there, because most of you are smart and will see it instantly; it took me a while to get grumpy, then outraged, then wing the book in the trash. I have two points to discuss on this.

Point one: it’s bad grammar. My spell check HOLLERS when I spell satan without a capitol S. [Don’t get me wrong: I am a prime suspect for the Grammar Police. They watch my place daily, ready to storm in like a SWAT team. One day my kids will come home and say to their Dad, “Where’s Mom?” “Hustled off to jail. Used one semi colon too many.” “A pity. What’s for dinner?”] I’m not perfect, but I’m smart enough not to tell people when I’m about to use bad grammar. I do it consciously or unconsciously and hope I won’t get caught on both counts. Here’s my point—your brain tries to repair bad grammar; that which these folks have tried to deemphasize has become a repair job for your brain. You end up spending a beat longer on the word satan than you normally would, which is the opposite of what they’re trying to do. (Can I just say I am having such fun with this? Where was I….)

Point two: it’s STUPID! ‘We choose not to acknowledge him’?!? Dear friends, I’m no scholar. I’ve not once been consulted by any denomination to fix a problem (though I’m not giving up hope.). But Life 101, not to mention 1 Peter 5:8, says we have an enemy and if you look that verse up, it even discloses who the enemy is: the devil. (Small d. I cannot account for that…) We choose not to acknowledge our sworn enemy? Holy cow. I don’t even want to Expound on that, because Proverbs has a thing or two to say about answering back to fools. I’ve been some kind of fool for some time, however, so I cannot resist an answer. (Please—file this under “Defending the Faith.”)

C.S. Lewis said, in his Screwtape Letters, “There are two equal and opposite errors into which our race can fall about the devils. One is to disbelieve in their existence. The other is to believe, and to feel an excessive and unhealthy interest in them.” I’m not the kind of Christian who sees a devil behind every bush. (Though the light bulb in the laundry room keeps flickering…) (Sorry. A little dark humor there, for you…) Neither am I the kind of Christian who disbelieves in their existence, although I think this kind of Christian is better off than the one who declares they choose not to acknowledge Satan.

Jesus acknowledged Satan by telling him to get behind him. When the devil came with scripture, Jesus parried with the same—and didn’t give up, like Satan did. He doesn’t like truth, whether he’s using it or having it used on him. Peter tells us to be on the alert, be sober, because our adversary, (and he spells it out for us, in case we’re unsure who our adversary is), the devil, prowls about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. He goes on to say ‘Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world.’

How can we resist what we refuse to acknowledge? How can we be sober and on the alert if we choose not to see what we have to be sober and alert about? James said, “Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” Jesus was all about his Father, all about submission to God. The Father came first; heading off slimy opposition by resisting it came second.

I confess: I had Two Beefs. I’ve taken up enough of your time so I will save the other Beef for the next newsletter.

I hope the next time you see Satan spelled with a lowercase s, you will think kindly of me and remember bad grammar and maybe 1 Peter 5:8. You may not be able to email your thanks to me, however, since by then I might be incarcerated. The Grammar Police have had it with me, and in particular, regarding semi colons and hyphens—I use them way—waaaayyyy—too much. Uh-oh…what does it mean when there’s a red laser light dancing on my torso? I think they’re on to me. Don’t worry, I’ve seen “Conspiracy Theory ”3 times, and this place is rigged to blow after my escape. I have great hopes to install Newsletter Number 4, but I may be doing it at the safe house.

Thanks for having fun with me, and do check out my home page. I haven’t written the copy for it yet, but my laundry light is still flickering and I’m getting inspired. (Inspired to haul a folding chair in there and screw the light bulb tighter.)

Signing off for now. Cheerio!

—Tracy Groot

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